Monday, December 15, 2008

Auditory Eroticism

I recently came into possession of a supremely powerful weapon. For years, I knew nothing of such a weapon, until I unwittingly unleashed it upon a poor and unsuspecting female.

It makes their desire for me insatiable. It drives them mad.

What is this weapon, you ask?

A British Accent. (A.B.A)

With A.B.A, the world is yours for the taking. Robbery, grand larceny, murder - all these are overcome by possessing A.B.A.

Suppose for a moment that you find yourself at a bar/party/funeral where you desire female attention. On the one hand, you could start out with a simple ice-breaker such as "My God these appetizers are fantastic! I simply MUST get Rob's recipe for this delectable Chex Mix!"


You could plant some C4 in their collective minds and blow them all away. Observe - A.B.A in action:

"'Ello man, 'ow ya doin'? I fink dat I've doid an gone to 'eaven, 'cuz I see an angel before me eyes! It's noffin' doin' man. This is a roight bloody trip, innit?"

...and so on and so forth.

It is out of control how much people love that accent. One could appear charming while wearing a cardboard box with dead rats stapled to it.

Simply say that you're from Bristol or Manchester, and roll wiv the punches.

But be careful. To quote from Spiderman: "With downplayed power comes fairly limited responsibility."

Truer words were never spoken. Or written. Or whatever.

No comments:

Post a Comment